When I first heard about hotel bar regular Lindsay Lohan and super-cute pornstar James Deen starring in ‘The Canyons’, I immediately rolled my eyes, got bitchy and asked if James had a nude scene. If I was going to see this trash, James—at the very least—needs to deliver the goods. Not that it’s that hard to see his goods, he is a pornstar after all. But, you know what I mean. I needed to know that my $10 would go to good use.

Well, it looks like I just might get my wish. The trailer is here and it looks totally trashy—in the best way possible! It’s directed by Paul Schrader and even though I prefer his work as a writer (Raging Bull, Taxi Driver), he certainly bolsters the film’s pedigree. Also, it’s written by Bret Easton Ellis, who’s had some success with films (Less Than Zero, American Psycho), so I’m holding out hope it won’t be a total mess. One more little glimmer of hope? Gus Van Sant is in it too! Weird, I know, but sounds exciting, right?

Of course, the bad news is that we don’t hear any dialogue from dear old Lindsay. I say dear old Lindsay because she looks like she’s about 43 in the trailer. She’s 26. Anyway, not hearing any dialogue is not a good thing. It tells me that the studio was like, “put her on mute, boys—we’ve got tickets to sell!” Ouch. Mean, I know, but it’s hard for me to feel sorry for Lindsay. She’s had chance after chance after chance and up until now the only place we’ve been able to get a glimpse of her lately is stumbling out of the Chateau Marmont or being praised by Jimmy Fallon. But that doesn’t mean anything, Jimmy Fallon would praise a turnip if it made an appearance on his show.

No release date has been set.