Listen. Shirley Bassey shut the shit down last night at the Dolby Theatre. While all these young wannabe starlets are trapsing about in their beige prom dresses, fumbling towards the stage, and bumbling about in nipple highlighter haute couture, Miss Bassey gave a brilliant Master Class in performance. All you Hollywood bitches best be spending the better part of your hungover Monday watching clips on Youtube and taking notes.

This is a rare instant-history moment. I was quite literally, jumping out of my seat. I don’t ever remember being that excited watching the Oscars.

Of course, there’s her beautiful voice, but she’s so much more. She has an uncanny ability to truly feel the song she’s singing, to get into it, and to project it back to the audience, with zero lost in translation.

I love the way she looked. I love that she showed skin. She’s 76 and doesn’t look a day over Lindsay Lohan.

Dame Shirley was so good, as a friend of mine put it, “she rendered Barbra Streisand mute.” It’s true. In fact, anyone who had to get on that stage after Shirley was fighting a losing battle. Poor things.

Watch Shirley tear it down, after the jump.