This is Owen Gleiberman who, by most accounts, appears completely normal.
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY’S OWEN GLEIBERMAN WRITES DISTURBING REVIEW PRAISING JOHNNY DEPP AND DARK SHADOWS
When my friend Jason and I were on the plane coming back from Kaua’i, we were looking at the new issue of ‘Entertainment Weekly’. I was surprised by movie critic Owen Gleiberman’s praise for the boring mess of a film, ‘Dark Shadows’. I occasionally read reviews for films, usually after I’ve seen them. I take them all with a grain of salt and enjoy several different writers, even if I disagree with them. Especially if I disagree with them. I can get mouthy and often do. I’ve previously thought about referencing other reviews within my own, but have so far avoided it.
As we were discussing the review, Jason had an idea which crystallized my thinking. “You should write a review of the review”, he said. Brilliant!
So without further delay, I present to you, dear reader, my review of Owen Gleiberman’s review of ‘Dark Shadows’ from Entertainment Weekly.
I should begin by mentioning that I sent an email to Mr. Gleiberman to clarify a potential sticking point before I began my review. In the interest of fairness, I asked if he was part-retarded. I was prepared to scrap my article if he came back with a response in the positive. After all, I have no intention of attacking someone who has marshmallow for brains. There’s just no challenge in that. I have yet to hear back, so I move forward.
I’ve made it no secret that I am not the biggest Tim Burton fan. I also think that Johnny Depp has become an overwrought gimmick (usually in Tim’s movies). They both suffer from their own traps. Too much powder and gloss.
Early on, I quite enjoyed Tim Burton movies: Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood. They felt fresh and clever. They had a distinct style. Not only visually, but conceptually too. They embraced the misfit. Cool. Well, here we are almost 30 years after Pee-Wee claimed with pride that he was a loner, a rebel. Cool. My issue is that Tim’s still doing the same thing. Only difference: more money. His characters, his plots, his style hasn’t continued to evolve along with his CGI. If his last film, ‘Alice In Wonderland’—a scary mish-mash mesh of images and obnoxiousness—is a movie for the no-attention-span-internet-generation, then ‘Dark Shadows’ is a movie for their grandparents. It’s boring.
I was actually looking forward to seeing this film. The trailer
A new horror movie takes place at Chernobyl. Perez Hilton
Madonna’s ‘Girl Gone Wild’ video to premiere on E! March 20th. VH-1
Sinead O’Connor in a Jesus hoodie, Rasta belt, and ballet flats. D Listed
In just 9 seconds, a little girl tastes evil for the first time. World of Wonder
Some thoughts on the end of Rosie O’Donnell’s talk show on OWN. The Daily Beast
In no surprise news, ‘Dark Shadows’ fan boys are not happy with the trailer. MTV
Hillary Clinton says, ‘Extremists Want To Control Women’. Buzzfeed
With $200 million in auction sales last year, he’s the top selling living artist. Wall Street Journal
Mmm…Taste-testing ‘pink slime’. Huffington Post
Gay men are being drugged and robbed in the Castro. SF Weekly
Another new Madonna song snippet, ‘Best Friend’. Youtube
No, not that Dark Shadows. This Dark Shadows:
Now, I’m not sure what happened to my love affair with Tim Burton movies, but it dried up long ago. As a kid, I thought he was this amazing, brilliant, visionary director who made super cool movies! I must’ve watched Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure 20 dozen times. It had a great energy, even with it’s flaws, it was endearing and fun. It felt fresh and full of wonder. Of course much of that could be chalked up to Paul Reuben’s performance of his brilliant Pee-Wee Herman character, but the film is perfectly paced and imagined. It’s not easy bringing a silly character to the big screen for 2 hours. Look at all the impossible to watch Saturday Night Live movies.
I remember a few years ago, when my nephew Jeremy was about 8 or so, we would watch Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure together. He was so excited. Every time, he would