This is Owen Gleiberman who, by most accounts, appears completely normal.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY’S OWEN GLEIBERMAN WRITES DISTURBING REVIEW PRAISING JOHNNY DEPP AND DARK SHADOWS

When my friend Jason and I were on the plane coming back from Kaua’i, we were looking at the new issue of ‘Entertainment Weekly’. I was surprised by movie critic Owen Gleiberman’s praise for the boring mess of a film, ‘Dark Shadows’. I occasionally read reviews for films, usually after I’ve seen them. I take them all with a grain of salt and enjoy several different writers, even if I disagree with them. Especially if I disagree with them. I can get mouthy and often do. I’ve previously thought about referencing other reviews within my own, but have so far avoided it.

As we were discussing the review, Jason had an idea which crystallized my thinking. “You should write a review of the review”, he said. Brilliant!

So without further delay, I present to you, dear reader, my review of Owen Gleiberman’s review of ‘Dark Shadows’ from Entertainment Weekly.

I should begin by mentioning that I sent an email to Mr. Gleiberman to clarify a potential sticking point before I began my review. In the interest of fairness, I asked if he was part-retarded. I was prepared to scrap my article if he came back with a response in the positive. After all, I have no intention of attacking someone who has marshmallow for brains. There’s just no challenge in that. I have yet to hear back, so I move forward.